Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. -Ranier Maria Rilke
This brings peace to my soul. There are so many questions without answer. Live in the tension. Carry the questions like a compass, that can tell you which way is north but not the best way through the forest.
At this time I’m faced with a lot of questions about the future and what it will look like for my new family. The point, though, isn’t to have all the answers, but to carry them. Spend time with them. Sit with them over coffee on the back porch and stare into the waving trees.
There is a great irony I’m experiencing in wedding planning and realized that it is something I’ve experienced many times over in my life. As we enter into a new phase, that climaxes to a single moment (moving to a new city, starting a new job or school, getting married, etc) there is a sort of callousing that happens in the stress. Packing boxes, setting up a new mailing address, merging bank accounts… all these things and their stresses build up this distance in my flesh to the actual event, and creating an inability to soak it all it.
My prayer has been that the calloused skin would gently be removed to reveal tender, new and permeable skin that would allow me to soak it all in and be morphed by the event. That the experiences would become a part of me, not something to work through at a later date when I “have it all together” because I will never “have it all together.”
Friends, take heart. I pray that your callouses would reveal new flesh that allow you to reconnect with the events and people around you. Deep breath.
PS – 19 days until I am a married man.